Hey! So this is frustrating to have to do, but I really need some help. Feel free to grab a snack and settle in for a long read. Sorry for the novel in advance, it just helps to get out everything I have. I'm sure I could date this back but I haven't had any sort of financial security for months on end. I've done my fair share of job hunting and searching. I lost my car over a year ago, which makes getting around on my own difficult, and it's caused a lot of isolation for me. As you can see, there's not even a financial goal in place here, because I don't have one. Just to update on a highlight in my life, I'm in my last 6 months before graduating with my 2nd Bachelor's Degree from Full Sail University, in their Sportscasting program. I have a 3.7 GPA. For me, school was always a hassle, but I'm proud of the work I've done at FSU, being an Honors Student. If I'm honest, school is the only real healthy thing that I can say I'm proud of. With that, I've been heavily considering starting a YouTube channel or podcast to talk sports takes and news, mostly because I don't have much of another idea. It would however take a long time to get 1,000 subscribers and monetized with the requirements (If you like sports, feel free to type in my name, and my main channel is the one with the same logo as what you see here!). Lately, I've been trying to promote myself on Fiverr to be a video editor for anyone needing the business, just to make a dollar. I've applied to hundreds of jobs on Indeed (not kidding), and local jobs around me. Either I don't get a response, or when I say I'd love at least $17 an hour for work, jobs get quiet and reject me, or refuse to give me a chance. I've applied for jobs where I know I'm not qualified or uncomfortable, like food service, car sales, commissions with phones, etc., and there's no luck there. Food is tough to come by, and I've had to get pretty creative with what I have. I currently have bills that are months behind, and I feel terrible getting rent help from the county, but it's all I can do. I applied for food assistance in Ohio and was told that as a college student, I am not eligible for help. I am currently trying to fight that and set up meetings there. I also have fought something for years, and to get help with SSI/SSDI with my stuttering being a disability, and I have meetings with doctors in the upcoming weeks to try to garner help there for a short period. I lost my car in March of 2024, and not having a car makes the day-to-day challenging, so having a vehicle would make a drastic difference in my life. Through all of this, I have asked for help directly from friends and loved ones from time to time. Some have helped, and I want to be in a position where one day, through my school success and career I can pay back all of those people and then some (if you know me, I'm not just blowing smoke). Some can or can't help, but some of the things I have heard were rejections due to "me not following up on making pies" for someone back when I was in my teens (I love baking for people, but have lost the passion for that in this season), or "you don't need a car" which would be a massive deal for me, and these are things that have come from mentors and whatnot from my past. Overall, if I am blunt, the last 2 years have been struggle filled, and have really made me question a lot in life, like my walk with the Lord, if I have made mistakes I can't come back from, what I'm doing in life, and so much. I don't just want handouts but I'd rather ask for help over sleepless nights, filled with anxiety, depression, and feeling like a failure, because the last 2 years feel like a failure for me, and I just need some help. I'd rather not get involved with a church because of what I've mentioned above, and I really don't see how doing so fixes my current situation. Plus there's a lot of hurt there from years of abuse, confusion and just anxiety with trusting someone to pour into that part of my life. I love the Lord and there's a foundation there, but the house that was on it was blown away a long time ago it seems. I'd love counseling with this situation but it's not a top priority for me, I'm just trying to see tomorrow and beyond, you know? Overall, if I had financial security (which I'm sure everyone wishes for), it would look like: having a vehicle and that freedom again. having a 40-hour job for this season just so I can breathe easy in what I am gifted in (customer support, video editing, administration, casework, helping people). a safety net again, so I can breathe, and start chipping away at debt from college. On my end, I'll continue trying to sell my belongings and do what I can, but life wasn't made to struggle, and I just need someone to help me out. Even saying "No, I can't help, but I appreciate you sharing your heart", that response would mean everything to me. Something that I think about all the time would be these two verses in Psalm 50: "For every beast of the forest is mine, the cattle on a thousand hills. I know all the birds of the hills, and all that moves in the field is mine." Everything is the Lord's, and I'm believing that He wants to give to me. I'm rocking with mustard seed faith right now, and I just want to see what the Lord does. Last, if it's easier, I do have Venmo (@JaeWhiteside) and CashApp ($JaeWhiteside).
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