To everyone reading this, thank you. Our journey has been hard to live and even harder to speak about. I am telling our story without pointing blame or condemning anyone in the process. It’s a hard truth but a truth that must be told in order to receive any help. My goal is to not create animosity with any familiar party mentioned but to let those who would like to help us move forward know the truth. Warning: some details of this story may be considered graphic even though spoken in direct medical terms quoted from records. Year 1 On Feb 7th, 2024 I met the love of my life. When our eyes met we both saw our life flash before our eyes and within 24 hrs we were inseparable. After 3 weeks, our relationship took a major hit. After feeling comfortable within our bond, Amanda, began to have echoes of dormant memories of repeated sexual abuse. The Echoes soon became crippling anxiety and we went from dating to damage control. She spoke to her parents about this issue. The conversation wasn’t met with care but with denial. One week later she was cut off from her family. Soon after the pandemic was announced. Her roomate jumped the lease, leaving her to pay for an apartment she couldn’t afford at the beginning of a lockdown. I stepped up and stepped in. I moved in with her and covered ALL the bills during the quarantine. It was tricky but I did it: blew through my savings, used my left over funds from my student loans each semester (I was on my last year of my bachelor’s), worked odd jobs, took in freelance projects during quarantine, and acquired whatever government subsidies that would help. Meanwhile Amanda’s past abuse memories began to spike and become the center of her attention and mine. I had to balance paying bills with giving intense care to Amanda to help her recover from a plethora disorders: a combination of genophobia, haphephobia, and eurotophobia, short term memory loss, avoidance behaviors, chronic panic attacks, irritability, sleep disturbances, difficulty concentrating, restlessness, chronic migraines, nausea, muscle tension, chronic fatigue, self- condemnation, anorexia, and body dysmorphia. Our first year together was a rollercoaster but through faith, diligence, and wisdom with the ever presence of Christ, Love, and Peace around us, we made it through quarantine and our first year fantastically. I had to step back from school to focus on our home and our relationship but it was well worth it. An incredible relationship was forged through a very tough time and we are eternally grateful. Year 2 We were able to make a lot of progress with almost all of Amanda’s issues on our own: eating better, self care practices, working out, journal writing, creative thinking, self love, sleeping much better, more energy throughout the day, clearer mind, and overall improvement in physical health, but the flashbacks continued get worse. Through a good friend and the grace of God, we were able to get connected with UF Health’s Psychology Specialties facilities and were skipped to front of a full and closed line of patients that were dealing with chronic sexual abuse disorders. After 8 weeks of testing and treatment the doctor diagnosed her with PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder. We immediately adjusted our life to incorporate all the skills we had learned from her CPT therapy, but as much therapy helped it was also a setback. Amanda’s PTSD PCL5 score was a 78 out of 80. The CPT therapy tends to allow you to see your thoughts more clearly in order for you to no longer be controlled by them but the process requires them to go from being dormant echoes to vivid memories in almost an instant. Things became a lot harder for Amanda and I across the year. At this point we were recommended to apply for disabilities via Social Security. We finished the application but it would take over a year to be evaluated and put into affect. Through God, we were able to recover. Later that year Amanda was baptized. She began to build a life with a sense of order that she could control. As we closed out the year, the price of rent on our place had gone up and we could no longer afford it. I was also paying for crazy expenses in auto repairs. I had began working in construction and carpentry a few weeks prior. It paid well, but not enough for the cost of rent. We had to move out and my car finally died. Year 3 With no car and no affordable housing, our only option was to move into a trailer with my mom and step dad. They had one tiny room for us. We stuck together, despite the difficult circumstances. Two weeks after moving into the trailer, Amanda found out she was pregnant. Despite our current circumstances we were thrilled, and calculated that in 6 months we’d have enough money saved and built a decent enough credit history to purchase ourselves our own place. While living with my parents, I offered to pay money towards rent in the trailer. As well as pay gas money to use the family vehicle to get to and from work. Things were going well for about 5 months and in May, I proposed to Amanda. Right after the proposal, my boss had a mental breakdown and he lost the contract for work, sabotaging all of his employees in the process. He didn’t even pay us our final paycheck. Despite these setbacks, we still got married. A small ceremony over a nature preserve with a few close friends. Due to Amanda’s PTSD, she opted for a home birth. Through Medicaid, we took all the proper birthing classes, and had all the proper medical exams throughout her pregnancy, and provided the proper medical professionals but 6 weeks before our birth, our home came into question. Seven days after our projected duedate, we left the trailer opting for a hotel to give birth in. Due to game day price gouging, we could no longer afford the hotel and with the help of friends, we were able to afford an AirBnB for a week. In this space Amanda went into pre labor. At this point some of Amanda’s family came to help us and it truly was a blessing. Unfortunately, Amanda never transitioned into labor during that week and we had to leave that space. We received more help from a best friend and got another AirBnb. Here Amanda’s water broke but she went into labor for almost 48 hrs. The midwife called 9-1-1. The ER came and took her to UF Health were they performed an emergency cesarean surgery. Amanda at some point had picked up an infection, the baby was stuck in the birth canal, became stressed and released meconium throughout the uterus. The baby also had inhaled some of the meconium and the sticky substance collapsed her lungs. It was looking as if would lose my wife and child, but God had different plans. My wife survived a successful surgery and our Daughter, Epiphany Rose Carter survived as well. They both had to be hospitalized, put on heavy antibiotics, and checked on the hour for over a week. Present We are still here in the hospital. Epiphany has had a full recovery and reunited with us as Amanda coming to the end of her bout with the infection. Amanda’s recovery has been going pretty good but there were scary moments when we thought we would lose her. Now we are faced with the biggest hurdle. We are facing homeless without transportation. I have two good jobs: a manager of a Pizza Hut and a Sales rep of a market dominating Solar panel company. Both are good jobs that will pay me well but not without transport to get them. I also just started them so I don’t have enough of a work history to vouch for me when leases want you to make three times the cost of rent. My credit is climbing but isn’t going to be high enough by the time we have to leave the hospital to secure a place or a loan. (I have tried to secure a loan numerous times over the past 6 months. ) My family and I need some help securing a place to stay and a vehicle. We can pay our rent and car-note from month to month, but we need some help getting over the initial amount. Amanda’s disability case is almost complete and she will be able to afford proper care for self in the future but we are facing a very scary gap with our newborn child.
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