Hi, my name is Rachael and I’m fighting to keep my foster son. Let me first say he is NOT FOSTER TO ME! HE IS MY SON! He has been with me for the last 2 years, my family is the only family he has ever known - I’m mommy. I have been there for everything: the shots, the first teeth, the first roll, crawl, steps, falls, and words - you name it; I have been there for it. When my son turned 16 months old, his birth father shows up and said he wants him, and then his great aunt (by marriage) says she does. The father has known all along this beautiful little boy existed but he did nothing to get him out of care. NOW that my son is 25 months, the agency is trying to send him to live with this great aunt by marriage because they determined legal kinship is more important than family love. This wonderful little man came to me straight from the hospital when he was only 7 days old. As a foster parent, I figured he would be discharged from foster care in about 3 to 6 months. Boy, was I wrong! During the first 3 months, his mother had many emotional issues and the agency suspended her visits. For the next eight months, there were no visits with any family members and no issues. This beautiful little boy grew and thrived and hit all of his milestones. In NY, if there is no contact between the child and parent for 6 months while the child is in care, it is considered abandonment. My case worker was aware of this and when she asked her supervisor about filing for termination of rights the supervisor laughed and said, “I want no part of that.” Shortly after that the case worker was removed from the case and we were given a newly hired case worker in September 2014. Despite our voicing safety concerns repeatedly, this worker scheduled visits with the birth mother with disastrous results – during a visit in September 2014, the birth mother tried to kidnap our foster son and assaulted me. The agency failed to report this to the courts and was going to allow visits to resume until I intervened and told the courts what happened. In December 2014, a new caseworker took over and told us our foster son’s father wanted to exercise his parental rights – after more than a year of no contact of any kind. Later that month in court we are given papers for a DNA test for our adorable little guy. I took him and wait for the results.In February 2015, while waiting for the results, the agency announced a goal change - the goal went from “return to parent” to “adoption”. We were delighted – we’d totally fallen in love with our son and could not wait to make it legal. What the agency didn’t tell me is that it was going to be “concurrent with return to parent”. April 2015, we go to court and the father is found to be the man that we have known to be his birth-father since December 6th, 2013. It’s at this time that they tell us that he has a family member that is a foster parent and they are willing to be a resource for him. We were devastated and wanted to know where was she was he was born or for the last 16 months? Both parents knew about her yet neither ever mentioned this person to ANY of the caseworkers. The attorney for our foster son tells us that this woman is willing to be a resource, but that she doesn't want to adopt him. The court grants the birth-father and the great-aunt weekly visitation with our little boy. For the first few weeks, the father shows up alone for the visits and each week, my son screams and cries to the point he either vomits or falls asleep. We voice our concerns to the caseworker but the caseworker assures me this is normal. At no point does the father or great-aunt ever ask us about the baby (what he likes, how he’s progressing, or even just to connect with us or the baby). We again express concern to the agency, but our worries fall on deaf ears. We decided to get an attorney because nothing was being done to help or protect our son.In May 2015, the visits started to become sporadic, as the father claimed he couldn’t make it. The great aunt did not come unless the father was there. When the father and great aunt did show up, our little boy went from being happy to crying and trying to get away from them. When I spoke with the director of the agency, she said it was normal and that he will get better over time. THEY COULDN’T HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG. In June 2015, the birthfather only showed up once for a visit with the aunt. Our son was in distress each time he saw them. His daycare worker pulled me aside to let me know that they have seen a difference in his behavior the day after visits. He is clingy, he cries when I drop him off, he doesn’t want to play with the other kids and he is often very quiet. This is not the same happy child they were used to see when he was dropped off in the morning. Our little man used to come in and play with the other kids; he liked to be laugh and play all the time; now he was clinging and crying, filled with fear. We are so worried about him; again I tell the caseworker but all she tells me is that “it's normal”.In July 2015 I had to find a new attorney due to a conflict of interest (the attorney discovered her firm was employed by an affiliate of the foster agency). Before leaving the case, this attorney advises me that the agency is looking to get this case off their books. NY State is pressing all foster agencies to place children within 18 months. At this point, our son has been in foster care for 21 months straight – with a family that loves and wants to adopt him. I finally found a new attorney that believes that she can help me with the case, but the costs are mounting up.In September 2015, I hired a new attorney (at great cost) and we go to court to find the caseworker is stating the great aunt is willing to take our son rather than just be a resource for the birth father. We were stunned- she has never even asked us how he is doing or bonded with the baby. While we are in court, the birth father turns towards me and the caseworker and says, “If you love him so much, you can have him. I have a daughter and I can make more.” As we left court I asked the caseworker to repeat what the father said; she confirmed what I heard was accurate but said, “…he said it out of frustration.” It was at this point that I knew that the father does not care about this wonderful little boy. This is nothing more than about money. If the aunt gets him, she gets a check each month from either a foster agency or social services. I have always said they can keep the money; all I want is what is best for our son. Every penny we get goes to legal fees. We don’t care about money, we want him to have a happy, loving, and thriving life; the life he has with us, his family by love if not by blood. In October 2015, we went to court to find out that the aunt has filed for custody. Now both the father and the aunt have a petition for custody. Our attorney tells us that we are in for a fight. First the aunt has to show the court that the father is unfit to raise him, and then we can fight to show how attached he is me and that what is best for him is to stay with me. It is at this time that I also find out that the caseworker reached out to the aunt’s current foster agency to see about having the case transferred over to them for kinship. Our son has never spent more than 1½ hours with his great aunt, and he cries inconsolably when he has to go with her. The nights after the visits he is not the same little boy he was the night before. He has bad night terrors and he cries and won’t sleep alone. When it's time for daycare, he cries inconsolably and it take a few days to get him back on track - only for him to have to go through it all over again the next week. I want to be very clear with this part: We have never said that he shouldn’t know his birth family and we have never said that we wouldn't be open to having an OPEN adoption with them. We have said this to the case worker and our lawyer has also brought this up. Despite this, NO ONE has ever asked to speak with us or asked anything about what he needs, or likes, or can have, or can't have ever in the last 6 months of visits. In the last 6 months, the most that they have ever said to us (in the agency waiting room) is “Hi”. In fact, when it is time for him to go for a visit and he starts crying, they say things under their breath like “…quit crying, I'm your daddy”; “…get use to me”; or “…this will all be over soon”. They don't engage with him while we are waiting for the visit to begin; they don't come over and say “Hi! How are you? How was your week?” They act as if he isn't there. They are his birth family and he has every right to know them if he wants to. If we get to adopt him, we will support him in every way if that is what he wants. We will never try to stop him from knowing his family because a child can NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH LOVE.All we want to do fight for what is right for this little boy. Our little boy, who we have loved since he came into our home on that cool October night in 2013. We would do anything to make sure he has the best life he can have and wants for nothing. We know we could not live with ourselves if we did not do anything and everything to make sure he says where he is. We never want him to question if he is loved and wanted. We love him more than words will ever be able to express.Thank you for taking the time to read this and if you choose to donate, thank you very much. We will provide updates are they come around.
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