Ok... For years i've held this back, but now i can finally reveal it.When i turned 15, i started to develop some mental health issues, suffered from major panic attacks, anxiety, depression...I remember running home from school crying, running home from playing golf, family meals... Crying my eyes out in fear.I lived in constant fear and i was in a very dark place!For about 4 years now, i've been practically petrified to go to bed every night because of the panic attacks i would have. I would goto bed and my mind would literally cripple me and send me to some extremely dark places.During all this however, i was picked on daily throughout school.When i decided to start lifting, i was put down 24/7 by EVERYONE telling me that i would never amount to anything and that i would never make anything of myself.In uni, my lecturers told me i was a waste of space and that the gym is for idiots!I've pretty much had a life of being put down, told i couldn't do anything and... with the problems i had for all these years... it eventually all got to me.January 4th 2015, 3am. I sat on the edge of a water-tower... Ready to end my life... I had it in my head that 'This is it' and i genuinely wanted to die.But, as i sat there, i can't explain what happened. It felt like someone literally pulled me back by my hair and stopped me from doing it. As i lay there, crying my eyes out, i heard a voice in my head saying 'its not your time zac' and i climbed back down.The disease i had on my fucking brain had taken over, i couldn't see the point anymore, i couldn't see happiness. Everything was dark, cold and i felt trapped.I cried my eyes out to numerous friends, for the first time in their lives they seen a side to me that i had been hiding a way for years!Thats the thing with mental illness', nobody can see who is suffering!Despite all this, i carried on pushing hard, i carried on moving forward, training hard, eating clean and ignoring all the shit i get daily smile emoticonThe only motivation i had in life was the people who put me down, i used all negativity i've ever received and turned it into motivation to keep pushing forward and that one day, prove that i'm better than all of them!I've traveled the world solo as one of UK's top fitness models, i have almost 500,000 fans over my social media platforms! I'm my own fucking boss, i do what i want when i want, I've eared a fortune this year alone and now i have the most amazing girlfriend any man could ever ask for!I can safely say, after 4/5 years of HELL. Im finally free, i don't go to bed in fear anymore. I don't have to rely on countless medication to get me through a nights sleep!But, this is where i want to help others!Mental illness' is a seriously seriously scary thing! I may look like a strong man who can deal with anything... but like i said. This illness nearly took my life, and i don't want to see this happen to ANYONE!People in life will tell you that you can't do things, people will put you down because you're achieving something they can't.Life is going to throw so much shit at you and i want you to know that you can get through it!Listen to yourself, keep moving forward, push away the haters and NEVER give up! <3
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