On a random Tuesday, you get up and you go to work to make your nut; you hope you can get your feet under you enough to go back to school or finally record those things you've been writing for years. You get a call from the doctor and you think it's them setting up a follow-up from the surgery you had a couple of weeks ago. Then, you don't really hear anything but the word, "Cancer." A random Tuesday--the most boring day of the week-- and your life is fundamentally changed. Regardless of how good the prognosis is, you can only really hear the word "Cancer," and the other capital C's that come with it: Care, Chemo, Collapse, and...Cost. You would almost rather the illness take you quickly than think of the Cost. Not only with missing work, hospitals, doctors, and procedures, but the physical cost, the body cost, and the emotional cost. You vacillate between being worried you'll die and being somewhat calmed by the thought. It is a strange thing to grieve living, but a random Tuesday is making you do it. And feel every other emotion you possibly can, too. You start to tell people and become comfortable with the inevitability, pushing the other things to the future for now, then comes the sneaky "C" of "Coverage." You don't think of major illnesses when you shop for insurance. You go to your GP, Urgent Care, and Accident and Emergency; you want a low premium and a low deductible to live a normal life... You didn't realize that you weren't going to have a normal life. Now, not only do you have to take off work (cost) to go to appointments (cost), but you have to drive hours away for them (cost) to sit in worry (cost) because that's what your insurance covers (cost), so much so that the line items would make a billionaire blush. And I am no billionaire. I'm still paying for insurance that basically covers nothing, and I have to work through all of this. I wake up dizzy, I shake all the time, and I don't have paid time off yet with a 40 hour a week job, so just taking off a day to rest puts me behind everything. Cancer has effects on all parts of your body, no matter how localized, so being rundown is just a new normal. I am a relatively private person, so being here asking for help is mortifying to me, but suffering in silence is no way to survive, so doing what I can in laying down the cards. I don't know the full amount of what I need as its still in-process, but the amount so far is in the couple thousands. I know we're in the midst of strikes and our own issues, but anything that can help make that number be smaller or allow a rest day without the rest being negated because of money anxiety is appreciated. Again, since I don't like just asking for something for nothing, I'll be doing a livestream soon of me playing piano and singing for basically a whole day until I pass out to highlight the fundraiser. I'm not sure what platform yet, but you gotta have the fundraiser first, so here we are. Think PBS for that one week when you would come home from school annoyed that your show wasn't on. I'm tcarsonj on everything but tiktok if you want to keep up with that, or me in general. Thanks for reading. Peace and love to you all.
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