Hello everyone. My name is Robert Hicks and I am fundraising for myself. I am trying to raise money, again, to end my homelessness, move to London, ON and be reunited with my babies- my cats Bonnie and Clyde. I have been homeless since October 14, 2024. It is extremely difficult for me to admit that I need help until things have become extreme and can no longer be ignored. I am not one to ask for help let alone to have to beg friends and strangers for it. Having to air my dirty laundry for all to know makes me feel like garbage. Begging and having to ask for money is embarrassing. But I don’t want my life to go to waste. I have far too much potential to be held back by this. Covid is/was a trying time for me. Not that it was all bad. I moved into an awesome apartment with a great friend and loved it. It was the happiest living experience that I’ve had. But covid progressed and the stress and anxiety of living in a world with that coupled with my lifetime of mental health issues got the best of me. It crept in unknown to me like a thief in the night at first and took over my life. I was falling into a deep depression and my anxiety was building to extreme levels. Every shift at work I was afraid of catching Covid as I watched hospitalizations increase daily. I asked for mental health days off of work on two occasions to try and curb my issues. But was denied by my manager. A week or two later, she asked me if I was willing to work extra shifts so that she could go on vacation with her new boyfriend. In the moment, I said yes. I didn’t feel like I had much choice at the time. As the day progressed and I reflected, I realized how unfair and disrespectful her request was. How was it not okay for me to take time off to deal with a health issues but it was okay for her to go on a vacation? I decided that was not a work environment that I wanted to be in and quit in May, 2024. Over the next couple of months, I searched for work to no success. By August, I had gone through my savings and regrettably had to tell my roommate that I would not be able to pay rent. He was understanding and accommodating. My anxiety and depression issues were building with each passing day after that. Fear of Covid had become the least of my concerns. I couldn’t find work despite my best efforts. I was letting down my friend and myself and that hurt deeply. I was starting to feel suicidal. Finally by mid- September, I had found a job as a server. Unfortunately, it was too late and my roommate had served me my eviction notice. Any hope that I might have had at that point was ruined when my new employer did not pay on the designated date but two weeks later. By this point, I did not have the financial means to move anywhere. Nor did I have a plan even if I did. My mental capacity at that point was nonexistent. I was just going through the motions every day. I couldn’t think straight or focus. October 14th, 2024 came and I was out on the street with little more than the clothes on my back. I spent the first couple of nights wandering around all night. Eventually, I found an unlocked washroom that I could use to sleep in overnight. Over the next couple of weeks, fear, depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation and the elements consumed me. I got trench foot. My feet and ankles became swollen due to poor circulation. On Halloween, I was let go from my job with no explanation. I know that it was a result of being homeless and the effects that it was having on my ability to function. Luckily, I had a new serving job in just over a week. It was a job that I enjoyed rather than just a paycheque. There were ups and downs in this position due to Ontario’s health restrictions amongst others. As the new person, I was always given the slowest section and always cut first. This makes it extremely difficult to make money. In that time, I found a new place to squat but did not have heat or water in the dead of winter. Winter was hitting with bitter cold and snow, but I persevered for the next few weeks. Covid cases rose and Ontario went back into lockdown in January, 2024. I was out of work again. I eventually had the Lockdown Benefit, but I hadn’t been earning enough to save and get ahead. I was barely surviving day to day. When lockdown ended, I was told by my employer that there were no shifts available for me due to capacity restrictions and that January and February are the slowest times of the year. I suspect that this dismissal was also related to my being homeless. I started to look for work again with no luck. I lost my place to squat during this time as well and was back to wandering the streets. I also received severe frost bite that has done nerve damage that continues to this day. All the while, I realized that a home and employment have to go hand in hand. I can’t have one without the other. I’m proud of myself for being able to work for as long as I did and perform a decent job, still physically look like my old self and not give the general appearance that anything is wrong. The two previous winters I spent my days at the library and my evenings at Union Station and riding the TTC. Sleep was had by napping whenever I could. The odd night that the temperature was around zero degrees, I would sleep outside. Summers have largely been spent outside, reading in the park or at the library, and sleeping through the night in a somewhat safe spot. I have explored all of the options presented to me through ODSP, the Fred Victor centre and other suggestions. Shelters are completely unsafe and full. I try my best to hold onto myself and not get lost in the system. A system that fails thousands of people in Toronto on a daily basis. ( My ODSP worker doesn’t respond to 99% of the messages that I leave for her. ) I feel like spending time with others in similar circumstances is unhealthy and will only worsen my depression and anxiety., I can’t be in an environment where I constantly fear violence, harassment, homophobia, theft, etc. I attempted suicide in July of last year because of these feelings.In March of this year, I was assaulted in the Eaton Centre in an unprovoked attack. I was shoved against a store window and hit in the head repeatedly. It’s a situation that could have happened to anyone but I would not have been there if I weren’t homeless. I have had three backpacks and a cell phone stolen since my ordeal began in 2024. This is not a safe city to be in. I am starting a new Go Fund Me campaign in the hope that it is more successful than my previous attempt. Although my last attempt was largely a success, I was unable to secure permanent housing. This was largely due to inflation and unaffordable housing in the city. Not to mention the general lack of vacancies. I was able to find myself a place to rest my head that was better than sleeping in a park for a few months last summer. I paid my debt to my old roommate and other monies owing. I was not receiving any government support at the time and the contributions were used for basic survival.My new goal is to relocate to London, ON and get off the streets permanently after nearly two years of living under duress. I need a fresh start and blank slate after 23 years in Toronto. The city has definitely changed for the worse in the past few years and it’s horrors have come out of the dark alleys. I want a stable, affordable, permanent home and not a temporary fix that will have no security. My goals are based around putting my mental health and safety first. I’m tired of asking myself what I did wrong and what I did to deserve this life. It’s time to move on. London is much more affordable than Toronto and has good job opportunities. I feel like a quieter city will contribute to my success and my life will no longer be a waste.Thanks to therapy and medication, I am doing this with a much clearer and focused head than my last attempt. It was not a failure despite not reaching my housing goal. I managed to survive until I was able to get on Ontario Works and into therapy at CAMH. I am still extremely thankful to everyone who contributed to my last campaign. I am extremely sorry if I have let you down. I hope to be able to repay you someday. I accept any potential anger some of you may feel. I’ve accepted that in life it’s impossible to make everyone happy.I’ve decided to follow a friend’s suggestion and aim for the moon with my financial goal while staying realistic. I need money for first and last months rent. I have to pay for a years worth of cat food and litter to get my cats back. There will be moving expenses. I will need pots, pans, dishes, utensils, etc. Things add up quickly.I’ve tried to stay hopeful and optimistic through all of this. (Good medication helps.) As long as the system fails it’s people, I will be homeless without your help. I have lost nearly two years of my life. I don’t want to waste away on the streets any longer. Your help means everything.Thanks for reading,Rob
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