I have a long story because I have this impulsive need to overexplain all things. For those who need the short version: I'm Rich, I'm a C-19 long hauler that's been unable to make much of any income for over a year, who is needing to deal with a relocation, access treatment and healing, and survive until I can recover enough to make a living again. Anything helps, even if it's sharing with others. And this will be up for a while, so if you'll have something later, that's going to be just as helpful, understanding that many of us are struggling right now. So thank you. For those who want to read the extended version, it's below. --- Hi, I’m Rich. I’m...I sort of have my hand in a bunch of cookie jars. I’ve been a writer, artist, podcaster, video creator, coach, mentor, etc. I’m someone that believes that the hope for our individual and collective well-being comes from the community. We were never meant to be “bootstrapping” ourselves through life on our own. We were created to be part of communities greater than the sum of each of our parts, where we give from our skills, abilities, talents, and other strengths and we receive based on what we need. We all have something to offer, yet none of us can do it alone, despite how we’re collectively programmed. Anyway...so for the 2 and 1/2 years or so that all got derailed. Everything I’ve been working on got derailed despite my best efforts. I guess I’ll tell that story, seeing as that’s why I’m here. Chronologically seems to be best, I guess? So let’s start right after Christmas 2024. Things were managing with all my other work but still not comfortable enough for me to feel safe, plus I sensed even then that I needed to find myself a new living situation. So I went to look for employment and had a pretty decent gig almost lined up, I just had to nail one more interview. Except…I got COVID. I was down for the count for about 10 days, like the flu on steroids. It stayed out of my lungs, which I thought at the time was me dodging a massive bullet. Once that dissipated, I went immediately back to my routines. That gig fell through, so I found a couple of odd gigs to hopefully tie me until something more solid landed. I found that I tired a lot quicker than I usually did, but I didn’t think a whole lot of it. I just assumed that it was natural after having a bug that long (which I never have-I don’t get sick often and when I do it’s like a day or two max). I also noticed that I almost always had some sort of mild to moderate headache. But I often get those in the winter because everything’s dry. After all, everyone’s running their heat and my sinuses dry up and my head hurts. So no alarms there either. Then around early February things went weird. I found myself struggling a lot more than usual keeping on tasks, forgetting steps in basic routines, feeling more anxiety out of place than usual, and so forth. Around this time I was outside shoveling after a storm and my body went haywire. I kept having to come inside and warm up my hands and feet because they were acting like they were almost frostbitten. They looked and felt like I was outside in below-zero cold. When I warmed them up there were tingling and pain sensations, which can happen sometimes when they’re really cold. The kicker-it wasn’t cold. It was 40 degrees outside. It took me hours to shovel a space that I usually can knock out in about 90 minutes. Besides the out-of-place cold, I also had to stop every few feet because I was feeling like I ran a half marathon. Exhaustion, high heart rate, some dizziness. That was when I knew something was off, and in the days ahead, I found that there were points where I would get dizzy and lose balance, or I would space out for periods. Another thing I noticed was that when I was driving I sometimes couldn’t process what was happening around me. It was just annoying if I was at a light and I couldn’t register that it turned green before there was a bunch of honking behind me. But if I couldn’t process the light turned red, or if I was at a four-way and my brain told me my left was clear and kept telling me so until I almost got hit by the pickup that was there and had the right of way...that gets scary. I went to urgent care, and I was told something along the lines of “Looks like you got that Long Covid people are talking about. Nothing we can do for you unless you have a heart attack or a stroke. Good luck.” So since that point, it’s been a battle. I did find some relief for a couple of months in the late spring/ early summer last year through a healing that was gifted to me by a friend. But otherwise…I haven’t had that issue with feeling the freeze that I shouldn’t like I did. I sometimes feel cold in places where I shouldn’t but nothing to that extreme. And I never did have that heart attack or massive stroke. But for the most part, my biggest issues are chronic fatigue and brain fog. Often I get some pretty intense headaches even still, and while the pain can usually be manageable, I can still feel it and I’m even less useful than the norm when I have those. These sound stupid on their face, but let me share a little more about what life is like for me these days. I struggle with fatigue and I still get stretches, usually in either extreme heat or cold, where some of the original symptoms flare up. Mental health...while I've struggled at points most of my life, this has really done a number on me with that. In particular, I've really been struggling the last 6 or 8 months or so with that. I'm usually pretty good at not letting that show but I'm really having a bad time there. My ability to concentrate more than a few minutes at a time on anything is just a shot. It takes me most of the day to write a piece when it used to take me an hour. When it does come out it tends to be longer-winded and go on more side trips than necessary. I’m also not able to bring the presence or leadership that I’ve been known for, whether it’s been 1-1 calls or groups or live streams. I often get locked up, or brain freeze, and I can’t remember the next step in what I need to do, or be able to concentrate enough to figure it out. Even something I know like the back of my hand. Which makes it pretty impossible to hold down a job, or to be able to do any sort of paperwork is almost impossible. It’s been impossible for me to have the presence and patience to write, record, and edit podcasts like I used to. I've attempted to create offerings that were still of value for people that I could create regardless of how much I had to work with on any given day, and the quality is there in those short spurts, there just isn't a whole lot of interest. I’ve tried throwing out everything I can think of to make some kind of an income on the days where things are a little more manageable but that’s not exactly working out. To be fair, as I put it the other day, it makes sense that people may not necessarily want what I’m offering these days because it feels like a baseball pitcher trying to get outs with a busted shoulder. Can imagine it looks that way from the outside as well. I get it. So that’s what’s going on with me. What is needed from here? Honestly, I'm tired, I'm drained. I've bounced around a bit the last year or so out of necessity. I was in Vermont for about 8 months, and spent the last few in Oklahoma. Over the next few days I'll be returning to Massachusetts because I was gifted a bus ticket back. That's good. But I have no place to stay and no money to make that happen. That's bad. At least the streets and the woods up there I know a little better than most places, so there is that. Although I'd love if something better could happen. Besides getting my basic needs to stay alive met, I would like to be able to access mental health services. The rest of it is what it is for now but I really need to address this ASAP. And as other opportunities present themselves as far as healing this other junk, I'd like to be able to have the means to access those things. I’ll be glad to update you along the way as things go. From what I understand, there’s no quick fix for this. But I have to allow myself to focus on the recovery first and go from there, one step at a time. For those who don’t have the funds, please share with those around you who might. I realize this was long, but I wanted to make sure people understood the situation and why I’m here. Thank you for reading and if/ when you can, anything will help. Even if it’s only a buck or two, every little bit does help.
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