I’ve put this off for many reasons, but in the last week of February I had to make some quick decisions, including that I eventually would just have to get over the anxiety of probably doing this. I’ve also been on unpaid leave from both jobs due to an injury, so that’s (not) doing it’s part...and will just back myself into a corner before asking for help. Please don't give if you yourself are struggling; skip to the starred text (****) even if you can’t, because it’s important life or death info for cat (or prob any pet) owners. Since it's been too overwhelming to even start writing this I just had to go lol..but I’d rather give too much info than too little for those who’d want it. Photos of the invoices/charges after the text. In short, I tried to save Tux, succeeded, and then had to lose him anyway, albeit in a better state. It was a 7 day span that ended up costing about $8,300. I would have kept going, because I loved this little man so much, and his love for me matched. He’s my boy, my absolute angel, and he deserves the world. Over the span of 11+ years, he went through so much with me; he broke my face into a smile and even laughter during times where I otherwise couldn’t. Everyone who got to meet him loved him..not a mean bone in his lil body. It started with him being somewhat lethargic, and he’d started to go under my bed a lot. I made an appointment and they got him in as soon as they could, with a vet we’ve never seen since our usual one was out. After a long wait, she came back and told me he not only had kidney failure, but a tumor in his bladder (which wasn’t detectable in imaging from last April). It was pretty large, so it was growing rapidly. Bladder cancer is also very rare in cats, apparently; so much that they tried to gather information about it, but it was all studies from the 90s. So, I knew we had to figure things out for us. She also came back and showed results of his levels, and his potassium was very high. She said I would need to give him subcutaneous fluids once a day, and demonstrated how to do so once he was brought back in the room. ****Do not let a vet send you both home with subcutaneous fluids with their potassium extremely high.** I learned that too late. A couple hours after we got home from the vet, he came out from under the bed and collapsed, barely breathing. It was a Tuesday, and the emergency vet nearby isn’t open Tuesdays. I laid him to my chest while we waited for my hero father, who brought us down to Warren, as I kept his airway clear, since his body was limp. They gave him more fluids and told us that ***he never should have been sent home with subcutaneous fluids, but completely be put on fluids, for maybe ideally two days.** They couldn’t keep him long enough for continuous fluids, and if we had used the hospital nearby there we would have had to transport him a bunch and he gets stress cystitis and hates the car, so we went to Scarborough’s animal hospital, recommended by the emergency vet (who also added they had the best oncologist, who of course ended up not being in that week , but I made an appointment). I can still see his little face as they brought him into the building, wrapped in my sweater. The doctor who first saw him also confirmed that ***he would never have sent a cat home with subcutaneous fluids if their potassium was that high. They told me the next day that he was easily their sickest patient, and he obviously almost died.** We were all so proud of him as he actually improved, which was apparently not expected by them. They let me FaceTime him a couple times, and when I couldn’t I sent him videos so he could hear my voice and know I was still with him. They even put up photos of me and Belle for him. We were both very attached to each other, and he had terrible separation anxiety, so being hours away was torture. It ended up being five days. It was a dream to see him again, but they didn't hear my wishes to try and prevent his cystitis, which he ended up having, badly, and even did things that I told them aggravate his, specifically. I know their mission is to keep the animal alive and improve levels etc, and I am extremely grateful that they did. They brought him down to a level 2 kidney disease, and told me he should be getting stronger everyday. He did :) in many ways. He slept overnight directly on top of me, lol..he never did that before. His cystitis issues increased to the worst they’d ever been on the last day. He got up when I woke up and routinely marched alongside Belle toward the bed, but instead of his usual morning spot on my chest, he went directly under me in his spot under the bed. He still had some good moments that day, and I even got a purr and rub. <3 He had to get his blood checked within 48 hours, and I got in with my regular vet. I waited that morning to force the new pills on him, since he’d already be so stressed at the vet, so I brought them there to be easier on him. I brought those, but I didn’t bring a damn blanket he loves, and I should have (my vet had told me in our emails that we may be discussing palliative care at this appointment), but my mind was jelly from the whole week. Our vet leveled with us, both on the floor of the big room with a plant and a bench, and with her own advice. Her cat actually had extremely similar issues to him, turns out..bladder cancer and cystitis. She let me know that not only will the cancer and kidney disease be hard to treat together, but the tumor was so big and cystitis would get worse and worse with pieces breaking off that could block him at any time, resulting in a most painful death. She said she tried everything for her cat, and wished she would have stopped before she did, for his sake. She cried with me then, and again when we actually did it, two hours later (with him on my chest, and Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World on repeat). She said I did the kind thing, and I held and hold onto that.
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