My dad died early Friday morning. I cried so hard my teeth hurt—I didn’t know that was possible. But…the universe works in mysterious ways and within hours of finding out, I was with my mom and sister in Denver as part of a trip that had been nearly a year in the making. I was happy to be able to hug, cry, and occasionally laugh with my family. Jean, his former partner of 14 years and best friend until the end, had been working with me to try and find a specialty nursing/rehab/longterm care facility for him once he was released from the hospital. On the 4th of July I celebrated his release from the ICU, on July 6th we were researching facilities and planning tours, and in the early morning of July 7th, I was told he had suddenly passed. We still don’t know why. What they don’t tell you about death (or maybe they do, and I never paid attention), is how incredibly MESSY it is to leave. I know all about life being messy, but then when you die you kind of leave that mess for your loved ones to handle. Man, dying is selfish, isn’t it? For all the wit, humor, and intellect my dad possessed, he still left us with more than we know what to do with. There was no plan, there was no savings account, there are only memories and vague recollections of final wishes, and debt. Unfortunately a fair amount of debt. Jean and I need to pay for his cremation. We’d like to divide his ashes so he can be with us both. The cost averages $1500 for a basic cremation (I’ll spare the details here). There are medical bills as well. His first hospital stay just sent a bill for $1500. We haven’t seen anything from his second stay yet. He’s in an upside down car loan, he has credit card debt, and so many other smaller costs that add up and add to the overwhelming nature of all of this. Another thing they don’t tell you is how easy it is to brush off offers of help, and how extremely difficult it is to finally admit that you do need it. I do a really good job of making my life seem fancy, but when it comes down to it, I need help. I only want help covering the necessities of a dignified cremation and any help that Jean may need to relieve the burden of helping as much as she has. We all need a Jean in our lives and I’m so thankful my dad had her.
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