Hello everyone, My name is Theresa if you aren’t familiar with who I am. I wanted to truly thank each and every person from the bottom of my heart for the prayers, thoughts, messages, support, love, advice, and kind words. I was extremely overwhelmed (in a good way) with how much love was shown. So many people flooded my messages and I appreciate everyone that reached out. Never in my worst nightmares of nightmares did I ever imagine we would go through anything like this and while I can’t control nature or the world, I pray so hard no other mother has to. I will continuously keep y’all updated each week abt Cielle since I see my OB every week to see if she is still alive and her progress. Grieving a baby that is still alive is a weird thing, a hard thing. It’s unexplainable. I know her time is coming, I can feel my body preparing for it. One of the unspoken reasons that I made my post was bc I wanted everyone to know she existed. I wanted everyone to know she is loved. I am so vocal abt Tristan that it was only right to tell the world abt our baby girl. She deserves that. If you know me or even Markell, you know we do not ask for help. We are just those type of people and while I understand it’s okay to ask for help sometimes, we just have been fortunate to never have to. I almost feel embarrassed making this GFM but with the support of family and friends it would only make sense to do so since we never planned or expected these expenses for Cielle. We usually are the type of people who help others and don’t ask for anything in return. You can donate via Cash App/Venmo/PayPal directly without the extra fees from GFM if you chose not to use it (if you want to donate any other way please reach out and we can figure it out). We also understand times are so tough for everyone right now so please don’t feel obligated to donate if you can’t. Every dollar counts and we are so appreciative of it. -Cash App: $theresanlee -Venmo: @theresanlee -PayPal: @TheresaVan I wanted to be 100% transparent abt the expenses and say that it will all go towards funeral arrangements, cremation services and fees, transportation services and fees for transportation from LR to FS by the funeral home, and anything involving Cielle that affects us. We never expected to have these expenses and have been 100% paying for everything out of pocket so far. Again, thank you so much to everyone. Whether you can donate or not, please share any of my posts and links, that will also help us as well. We truly appreciate the support and prayers, please keep them coming as we go through these difficult next few weeks. We are so grateful for our community, family, and friends! Here is the story on Cielle and what is going on if you aren’t able to or haven’t read what is going on: The update: very long read btw please bare with me. I wasn’t sure where to begin when I started making this post so it may just be all over the place as my emotions pour over as I write this. I’ll try to go in order as best as I can. Some people will wonder why I am so open but I want this to be documented and it’s a way for me to release this built up pressure of talking abt it out loud. Very few people know that I am pregnant. I have been pregnant for the past 6 months and I had planned to announce once I reached my second trimester and had my 20 week anatomy scan. I think it goes without having to be said that I am obsessed with being a mother. It has always been my dream and when I had Millie my dreams came true. So when we found out we were pregnant with her sister, Cielle (pronounced see-elle), we were overjoyed and over the moon. First and foremost we wanted a healthy baby, but in the back of my mind I wanted a boy lol so when we found out it was a girl, I was like oh lord! TWO GIRLS!!! But it settled in quickly that Millie would enjoy and love having a little bestie sister girl and so would we. (06/07/23) So the day for my anatomy scan comes, what I thought was an appt going well, was actually not going well at all. During the ultrasound we discovered that I had very little amniotic fluid. Also known as Oligohydramnios. My OB wanted me to see a specialist who could do an in depth ultrasound and didn’t want to diagnose me with IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction) without getting some clarity with the specialist first but said that could be a possibility. It’s worth noting that Cielle was measuring very small as well but had a good strong heartbeat. During this appt she was also in a very tight ball so they had very limited view of cardiac and overall extremities. There was also no fetal movement during the ultrasound. We discussed realistic possible outcomes of my pregnancy and my world literally felt like it was crashing. Being as optimistic as I could be, over the next two weeks waiting to see the specialist, I completely changed my diet and my water intake (neither of these things changed anything) but it made me feel better. (06/20/23) the day of my appt with the specialist I went in super hopeful and optimistic. We did the ultrasound and Cielle had a strong heartbeat and was moving and I had thought it was going well. I was so happy and overjoyed during it. Fast forward (this is a three hour appt) I go into the room and wait for the doctor. When we finally get to talk, he delivers the worst news anyone could receive. I almost immediately check out mentally. I felt like I was in a dream and everything I was hearing was not real. I immediately start spiraling and uncontrollably crying. What I did gather was that Cielle was measuring 2-3 weeks behind, and that at this point there was actually no amniotic fluid also known as Anhydramnios. One of the possibilities when discussing with my OB was that she was not going to make it at all, and that became a reality during this appt. As many of you know, I lost Tristan in 2024 and that alone was very traumatic for me bc I still heavily grieve him to this day. Now that I am so far along in this pregnancy it makes it so much harder going from experiencing a miscarriage to now a stillbirth. The specialist essentially told me I would have to carry Cielle until she passed on her own bc of our laws in Arkansas. That he would go to prison for a minimum of 10 years if he tried to intervene before 32 weeks. At first I was heartbroken. Imagine having to carry your baby until she dies. It’s sickening and it’s horrifying. It is now (07/05/23) and I still feel Cielle moving everyday but I know what her ultimate outcome will be. I cannot tell you how mentally hard it is to be forced to grieve and carry a child that is not going to make it. I am not ashamed to admit I am in a very dark and hard place. I believe anyone would be the same if not worse. I cannot imagine other mothers who are also forced to do this as well. I want nothing more than closure and to grieve properly but that right was taken from me. The specialist did mention doing testing to see why this happened like if my water broke or is slowly breaking and other things but it would be doing more harm than good and putting me and baby in distress with invasive testing when we could wait until after she passed to find out why. I was okay with waiting. (07/03/23) this appt is the first appt seeing my OB since seeing the specialist. It would’ve been sooner but my OB was not in the office for a week. During this appt he reconfirmed again that there is no amniotic fluid from my ultrasound. While I am 25 weeks and 2 days, Cielle is measuring 19 weeks and is not growing anymore. She still has a heartbeat and has very little fetal movement. We got to record her heartbeat one last time and get a couple of pictures of what we could. He informed us that within the next 2-4 weeks she will most likely pass due to a couple of things they do to measure her activity etc. So as I sit at home and try to take comfort with my family and friends who know what is going on, my baby girl, is slowly dying inside of me. What’s supposed to be the happiest time of our lives, is the worst. While I’m supposed to be planning a baby shower, I am planning funeral arrangements. I think what’s hardest is that we taught Millie there is a baby in my tummy and she will randomly everyday pull my shirt up and kiss my stomach and say “baby” and hug or caress my stomach. I have always wanted children close in age and was just really so overjoyed for this new chapter in our lives. Cielle is due October 16th, one day before my birthday. She was and is my birthday bestie and we are always going to share that together. It’s also very worth talking abt during this appt I also received more devastating news. My placenta is covering 20% of my cervix right now. It has moved down and hopefully will stay where it’s at and will not move any further. If it does and ends up covering my entire cervix, I will have to have a very difficult c-section with a lot of different complications, which is something we all want to avoid. I had Millie naturally and intended to do so for Cielle. With the placenta covering the cervix, whether I am able to have her naturally or via cesarean, I will have a significant amount of blood loss. With the possibility of blood loss is hemorrhaging and with any surgery or birth with these conditions, the possibility of death. My OB is speaking with his colleagues and I may have to go to Little Rock to have Cielle bc they have a larger blood bank supply and a larger staff there to accommodate me if something were to go wrong. You may also be wondering why this happened to us and to our knowledge at this moment, this is all very random. Millie was born perfect and healthy and still is. Sometimes our body just does weird things. It’s nothing me nor Markell did. After Cielle is born we will do extensive testing to see exactly why this happened but most likely it was just a chromosome/genetic issue. It’s why a lot of things like chemical pregnancies happen and etc. This won’t stop us from future pregnancies or increase the chances of this happening again. We should still be able to conceive in the future. If you got this far, thank you for reading and thank you for the support. Please keep Markell, Millie, and I in your prayers for the next couple of weeks while we deal with this loss and situation. Please keep me in your prayers as well specifically for my birth with Cielle. I want nothing more than to be here for my family and I don’t dare imagine what that life would be like without them. I love my life, and I love my husband and I LOVE my children, earth side and in heaven.
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